Sunday, August 2, 2009

I finished reading Holy Hunger this morning. I feel such sadness at the thought of losing my dad. His health has declined so much in the last 4 years. I wonder if he wants to move back here before he dies so that he knows my mom is taken care of. It is almost unbearable to imagine life without his gentle soul as part of it.

I'm struggling with wether or not I belong in Overeater's Anonymous. I know I eat when I am sad or bored. And I know I eat way too much. I'm not obese....yet, but my doctor has listed me as overweight.

I'm not sure I can do this anymore. Don't get me wrong, I don't want my life to end, I just don't want it to continue this way. I want to really live rather than simply exist. Is OA the path that I now need to go down. Do I seek counseling? I know I am loved by my family, but I don't seem to feel it. I have never felt like I truly belonged anywhere. I want to feel part of something....part of a group.

What's next? I simply do not know.

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