Wednesday, May 12, 2010

New Low

I've been avoiding blogging. I'm pretty down in the dumps. My mom is on her annual "sister trip" in NC and she didn't call on my birthday, nor the next day. She did, however, call my sister on my birthday. I have never felt such hurt. My sister is older and I have never felt that I was as good or as smart or as respected as she is in my parent's eyes. The lack of phone call from my mom just made me feel even more worthless. I shed many tears yesterday. I don't even know if or how to begin to forgive my mom. 

While I was running errands today, she called and left a message...something about not realizing it was monday.....huh? I've tried to imagine simply not speaking to her anymore, but I can't do it.  I can't do it because of my kids and because, well, she's my mom. 

I've never had a very high self-esteem. I thought I had finally gotten over feeling inferior to my sister, but this, this brought me to a new low.  How do I pick up the pieces and rebuild myself?

Maybe she really didn't realize the date...but how do you forget the birthday of your own flesh and blood? What am I going to say to her when I can no longer avoid answering the phone? Do I tell her how hurt I am or do I do what I always do and just bury my feeling to keep the peace?

Thanks for listening....

And Rhoda, Happy belated Birthday to you!!!

4 comments:

  1. I forget the dates of my kids b-days all the time. I have one daugher who e-mails me to remind me (I love her-she reminds us all) She even reminds me when it is my b-day- I tell her I know-b/c your brother also called me.(most likely b/c she told him too) relationships are important not dates. I bet you mom loves you everyday, if my kids don't have something planned that needs me there then I usually don't think about it. No one in my family takes it personal that I am the way I am. They love me anyway. I would suggest if your b-day is important to you then you need to be the one to make the phone calls :Hey mom, today is my b-day, thanks for being my mom. or mom, next week is my b-day do you have time to get together for lunch so you tell me how much fun it has been having me as your daughter. Now if you were a twin and she forgot and visited the sibling, then I would take it personal-lol.
    Happy B-day- love cheryl

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  2. Thank you, Trish! I'd say mine was better than yours. I feel so aweful that you felt neglected. That hurt is hard to get over, and I ache for you. I may forget to call my kids on their birthday from time to time, but I will call them the next day if I do. If you're like me, you will forgive because that's what you need to do to have peace. It's not always easy, though. Rhoda

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  3. First, Happy Birthday! Second, I forget birthdays all the time. I've have forgotten DH's birthday before. I usually think of birthdays once or twice prior to the actual b/d, and buy a card or present, but then the dates just get away from me. It doesn't mean I don't care, it just means that I didn't realize the date. Your mom is on this trip, and was probably out of her "routine". The important thing to remember is that she did remember and called you when she did.

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  4. Being angry with your parent can be terrible. I was angry with my mom for many years before I realized that she was never going to change. I could either continue to be consumed by my rage and be miserable, or I could get rid of it and live my life my own way. Believe me, Trish, this was not an easy process, but when I was finished being angry with her, I felt fine. When you can get to the place where you realize that you are a great and wonderful person regardless of what anyone else may think, including your own mother, you will feel a great load lifted from your shoulders. And life will be better. Don't let your mother's behavior get to you--you are an awesome person! And a great quilter to boot! :) Barb H.

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