I've been avoiding blogging. I'm pretty down in the dumps. My mom is on her annual "sister trip" in NC and she didn't call on my birthday, nor the next day. She did, however, call my sister on my birthday. I have never felt such hurt. My sister is older and I have never felt that I was as good or as smart or as respected as she is in my parent's eyes. The lack of phone call from my mom just made me feel even more worthless. I shed many tears yesterday. I don't even know if or how to begin to forgive my mom.
While I was running errands today, she called and left a message...something about not realizing it was monday.....huh? I've tried to imagine simply not speaking to her anymore, but I can't do it. I can't do it because of my kids and because, well, she's my mom.
I've never had a very high self-esteem. I thought I had finally gotten over feeling inferior to my sister, but this, this brought me to a new low. How do I pick up the pieces and rebuild myself?
Maybe she really didn't realize the date...but how do you forget the birthday of your own flesh and blood? What am I going to say to her when I can no longer avoid answering the phone? Do I tell her how hurt I am or do I do what I always do and just bury my feeling to keep the peace?
Thanks for listening....
And Rhoda, Happy belated Birthday to you!!!
New and old; keeping, orgainizing, and letting go.
18 hours ago